It was awesome and wonderful. This is for anyone who has conflicts with someone they Overcoming emotional baggage about and wants to figure out ways to get out of those conflicts more productively. I will focus on the moment we are in pain — and how to step back from it so we can move back into happiness and get more of what we want — which is love and affection.
I will present a set of tools to help you stay out of a trained in habit of blaming and resentment so that you can empower yourself to take productive actions. I will do the usual 3 parts: And to be clear — this is about all relationships Overcoming emotional baggage involve conflicts between the needs of others and your own.
Our identity tells us we are in need of specific attention from others. We all on some level have these expectations, and also complimentary gifts — so often it works out that Overcoming emotional baggage needs are reciprocated by those we choose to be close with.
A lot of the pain and frustration in our conflicts with others comes from us believing others are not giving us what we need and deserve. But in the moment of feeling we have not been given what we should be from someone, we BELIEVE wholeheartedly in the truth Overcoming emotional baggage the experience we have. So if we hear someone being heartless and mean to us — that in our minds, is the truth.
And once we assume this truth, we assume the affiliated Overcoming emotional baggage The truth is, we get stuck in our pain — by our own blindness, we choose to savor it. Man, it feels good to be sooo right. Being right and feeling vindicated by the external actually gets you the opposite of what you Overcoming emotional baggage. That gush of pride, the gratification you feel being when you know you are right is the addiction to an old pain-muscle-memory — but it is not getting you what you want in your higher truth: Your job — in these moments, is to curb your bad habit and realign your actions with what will ultimately make you happy.
You can live in a life where you are right all the time — but that life will not ultimately get you what you want. And once you make the switch, you will save yourself a whole lot of unnecessary pain and wasted time.
This is about looking at your situation — outside of the pain you might feel — and becoming more objective so that you can move out of the habit and help yourself.
It feels unnatural at first but it gets easier with time.
We all express love with different languages. They call it a love-map. That will dictate what you crave and what you have in plentitude. So if you never got the validation you needed from a parent, you will search for it in others — and it will never be enough — like a bottomless pit lives inside your self-awareness.
But this cannot be done by someone else — it must be done by you. Only you can tell yourself and know that you are worth loving.
No one else can give you that knowledge, so to expect them to is unfair and also unrealistic. When we lack a pure Overcoming emotional baggage of self-love, we look to others to give us what we crave. When they are unable to do so, we feel they are abandoning us, or not loving us enough. They express love and care in their own way. That is where we lose.
Whatever we think someone should be is not who they are in reality — and once we can see that, we open ourselves to their real gifts.
In order to get what you want in a relationship, you have to set the stage for love to flow between you and this other person: And that Overcoming emotional baggage remaining open, welcoming and able to hear what is being communicated. If you want love from them in a particular language, ask for it — give them your answer key in a moment they can hear you: What is most important to remember in moments of pain and hurtness Overcoming emotional baggage to your needs: A solution comes from you acting tactically: It will be something big and simple.
Something that affects the condition you are both in — a hurdle that needs Overcoming emotional baggage be removed to better your Overcoming emotional baggage to communicate and give each other support to prevent future occurrences. A change that will up your ability to be loving.
That will give you clarity on what is misfiring. Firstly, you must become aware when you are feeding your pain-baggage with wallowing and validation, and stop it in its tracks. Skip the length of it and choose to see this situation from afar. And by beginning to wean yourself off of the pain-baggage that massages your victim identity.
Basically, curb your Overcoming emotional baggage to be right and others to be wrong. This never helps anyone move anywhere positive. It keeps you focused on the negative.
You can change someone else just by changing yourself. By ceasing your half of the behavior loop, the other person cannot continue to fulfill their part.
Before I get to the tools, I want you to write down a statement of your highest truth — on your phone or in Overcoming emotional baggage journal. Your Overcoming emotional baggage should reflect, at the highest level, what it is you want in your relationships.
Think about the long term — when you are at the end of your life, what will you want to be the sum of your focus. This is what is most important. Skip the rest of the crap and start walking toward this truth again. Your greatest asset is to resume a position of love and care for others.
If you come from love, nothing can touch you — not the meanest, lowest most terrible person.
Remember Overcoming emotional baggage all cruelty comes from suffering. Theirs is likely great. This is harder to do in the moment so to train in this ability, practice this meditation exercise once a day or as often as possible. To be clear, this is not to do in the moment of a conflict with someone else.
I like to do this in the car or at random times in Overcoming emotional baggage — when I see someone hurting, I send them love and support.
Here is the meditation:. We often assume pain positions when we feel fearful or attacked. This is a visualization process to help you remember this fact by reframing your pain in the moment of conflict.
Visualize yourself Overcoming emotional baggage a black power suit. As soon as you assume your pain position, step back and begin to treat the situation like a job: This is to basically stop and step back into a more tactical, objective mindset.
Focus on feeding the solution — not the pain. For the truest solution, you need to attack what needs to change first.
The solution is changing the next biggest contributing factor in your dilemma. However, when you stay in that feeling of betrayal and loss, you cut them off and stay in your hurt.
You get nothing you want: However, if you choose to skip the pain and let go of Overcoming emotional baggage need in favor of figuring out the proper conditions you can set to receive love, you will likely get it.
Once you let go of needing them to give you love and instead approach them with love, you can see them plain as day. You can then open yourself up to future gifts that you would otherwise take away from yourself if you were stuck in the hurt part of this.
My pain-baggage relates Overcoming emotional baggage a need to be seen and understood, and in the past that was a loop I played out again and again in relationships. Not recognizing it prevented me from seeing how others were feeling and made it impossible for me to see that they were coming from their own pain baggage.
With Overcoming emotional baggage awareness of the pain baggage, I could recognize when it popped up and instead of playing out the need — step back and instead Overcoming emotional baggage. In one situation I was able to see that the other person had pain baggage that put them into a fighting defensive position — pushing people away and acting mean was how they dealt with fear and vulnerability. Then I understand them and I can navigate.
One of the most powerful propagators of negativity and discontent is talking to others about what is wrong with our spouse or friend or family member. Am I not to have those met? You of course should have them met.
This is about unconscious loops that play out unrelated to your current reality. You can and should communicate your needs to others when they are capable of understanding you.