Dear Sam, You deserve more than a letter, but I know that a face to face is out of the question. Given the chance I would. I want to apologize for last Monday evening and what I subjected you to from January to April, and occasions thereafter.
I'm so ashamed and repulsed at myself. I want to, from the bottom of my heart apologize for the vile way I spoke to you, and for neglecting your feelings and opinions.
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I'm not sure when the grief hit me, but I thought I'd be able to handle it well, and, I thought I was. But it came over me harder than I thought, and, even wanted to admit at the time. During this time I do know I How to write a heartfelt apology you the most heartache, hurt and pain, and at one point, fear.
That in itself embarrasses me to no end. I wasn't totally aware of it until I started losing you, by which time it was too late. The damage had been done.
My incessant arguing, assuming, assumptions, over talking, becoming ultra defensive at silly things were, at times, pathetic, embarrassing even.
I'm so ashamed I acted that way and even more embarrassed I treated you like that, like an abuser, a manipulator. How could I treat someone who was helping me in that way, someone I care for so much. Having spent some serious time talking to professional people regarding things, I have been able to do some serious reflecting and been able to see past my nose that my problem wasn't the only one that mattered.
Those few months of the person you experienced were not me at all, I have never dealt with this before and I dealt with it very badly. There were 2 of us. I deflected how I was treating you, I used my grief as an excuse and a reason, and even though it was the reason, I should have known more about me to take responsibility and the duty to do something about it rather than continually take it out on you.